♥

who do you think you are? Running around and leaving scars..

This must have been the end, or the end is yet to come.
Remember, there's only one way out. A way you can never reach, so
you don't even have to hope for it.

People are staring at you for a reason. You're not like them.
You don't fit it. You want to, I know, but you can't.
Remember the guy you once liked? Of course you do, you'll never forget him.
He can't remember you. Not even your existence.

Jealousy, oh, dear jealousy. She's too broken for you.

grief, questions, suffocation and a dog.

grief. deep grief.

try to cheer her up, she won't listen.

where is the moon, where are the stars?

the night is so black, you couldn't even tell if there's something around you.

It's like nothing exists, except for your mind.

your mind, kind of flying through the air, all alone.

Your thoughts, chaoticly surrounding you, lace your throat, you can't breathe, you can't even utter a word.

But why do you need air, if you don't have a body?

How could you possibly choke, if there is nothing that can be tied up, nothing that can be laced?

Is there a way to suffocate yourself with only thoughts?

And why are there so many questinonmarks? so. many. questions.

she lost her track, she lost her way.

but a lost dog always finds its way back to its owner.

only the remembrance remains.

JESUS! jesus, help me, I really do need you now, even though you're not the person almost every christian believes in.

JESUS, cut your hair! You would look much hotter.

No, he said, I want somebody who loves me like I am.

Good thing, I said, good thing. A bit naive, but nice.

I'll seek another brother on my own then, I said, and left.

He watched me with suspicious eyes. You do, he said. You really do.

Yes I am, I said, turned, and left him. JEEZZ, I'm so sorry Jesus, I should have listened to you.

But there I sat, guys talking about the american girl, who I turned out to be me.

There you are, I'm gonna die without a cigarette. Please just gimme a cigarrete, unless you don't want me to die. Drink more, he said, and I did.

That's when I lost my memory.

J♥ #2

Farewell, my beloved Herakles, my passionate Orpheus - slowly my eyelids close. My heart and my soul tell me to stay, but my body  tells me to go. This decision is the worst of all; but I know I can hope for you tomorrow too. But my heart won't let you go. My heart would stay here for hours, it would tell you naive, stupid but true things about me you don't wanna know, but my mind says no. My mind is torn into two pieces. The first half doesn't want to leave you, doesn't want to miss the chance of exchanging words with such a person like you are, the other half says my body is too exhausted to stay. Oh, poor me, an unable person, a good-for-nothing. I'm only human.
So I leave you with the words that I don't want to leave. Pardon me, anointed one, Lord of my heart, I will see you again in my dreams.


Nun denn, mein geliebter Herakles, mein Orpheus, meine Lider neigen sich zur Erde. Mein Herz und mein Verstand sagen mir, bleibe, doch mein Körper sagt mir, sage Ade. Diese Entscheidung fällt mir schwer, jedoch weiß ich, dass ich auch am nächsten Tage auf dich hoffen kann. Ich stehe zwischen zwei Stühlen, denn mein Herz will nicht von dir lassen. Es würde noch stundelang mit dir verweilen, es würde unvernünftige, aber ernstgemeinte, vertrauliche Dinge verraten, aber mein Verstand steht dem entgegen. Mein Verstand ist zwiegespalten. Einerseits scheut er sich, dich zu verlassen, und die unwiderrufliche Möglichkeit fallen zu lassen, weitere, wunderbare Worte mit dir zu wechseln, andererseit sagt er mir, dass mein Körper seine Grenzer erreicht hat. Oh weh mir, der Unfähigen, der Nichtsnutzigen! Ich bin doch auch nur ein Mensch. So verabschiede ich mich mit den Worten, dass ich ich nicht verabschieden möchte, aber dennoch muss. Verzeihe mir, oh Gesalbter, oh Herr meiner selbst, und wir werden uns im Traume wiedersehen.

J♥ #1

J: So I lay here all alone, and I think about our passionate kiss. My longing for you grows every time I see your beautiful, shining eyes.

C: Wistful did I read your letter, my heart was ready to burst, as I read through your lovely words. I slip into my dreamland, because there we are one. One that can't be torn apart. I would give my heart and my soul just to feel your heat always. But I always feel your absence beside me and I have to bear with it, I have to accept it through the day until I can see you again in my lovely dreams. Until I can run into you strong arms again, until I feel save again.
Goodnight sweetheart! In a few moments everything I am will be yours again.
Try to hold me tight, never let me go.
Please be mine tonight, noone else will do.

Nothing is better than wallowing in reminiscences♥